It is so true, that old adage that time flies. You try to keep track with pictures and journals and lessons learned, but more often than not, most of what happens escape you, like grains of sand you try to hold. But always, the heart is a good indicator of how time went by. And if i were to peer inside mine for this one year that has passed, I would find it slightly enlarged for all the new memories and emotions it now has.

It would be bright red for the love that endures, for the kilig moments that still shout their presence whenever I gaze upon my lover’s face, those tranquil moments of entering slumber aided by the sound of his quiet, gentle breathing. For the peace that blankets in the night, knowing that you are loved and accepted for who you truly are, all masks taken off, all scars and wounds exposed. Kisses, caresses, healing and bandages. Sweet rest in the knowledge that you will never be abandoned.

It would be soft and squishy in tender moments of intimacy, in the coming together of voices and ideas and prayers. In this life everything is now deeply shared, from the shallowest thoughts to the most intricate vulnerabilities, to saying aloud desires you were once too scared to reveal. In soft conversations whispered in the dark, in verbal arrows thrown in bedroom wars. In making up with each other, in forgiving, in moving on. Building and cementing, two bodies becoming one, two souls recognising each other’s perfect imperfections, and intertwining just the same.

It would be shimmering for all the memories created and stored, little capsules of time only the two of you know. Sights of wonderment on journeys taken, mountains climbed, sunburns nursed. Nerves that race before a cliff jump, reminiscences of God’s magnificent creations that are even more beautiful because your beloved is in it, because he saw it with you. And you realise that that too, is true: love does add color and intensity to your worldview.

And always, the heart will be even more vibrant for all the smiles exchanged, the nuggets of wisdom gained. For all the projects undertaken, responsibilities and new perspectives shared. Rejoicing for all the big and small gifts from above that come because you choose to be together, and because you see them as such. God does hold a married couple dearly in His hands, He holds special blessings just for you two.. Over time you become a little more of each other. You finish his sentence, you read his mind. You go back inside the house for the phone he left just when he’s about to look for it. He understands that you need your rest so he lets you sleep in, even when he is about to start his day. He becomes your personal doctor, and you, his nutritionist. You share in one health, in one well-being.

I have mused before that I might lose myself, that I might put his needs above mine all the time. What if he’s not the same? I have asked. But all I have found is that I have gained love, and to gain love is to gain everything. I have not lost myself at all. In fact, I have discovered more of myself since becoming one with Joe. But the most priceless gift that marriage teaches is that of unselfishness. That was, is, the part that love in its fullest capacity, wants us to let go of.

Lastly, this heart would be so giddy from all the laughter and kulitan shared, for all the farts of his that I inhaled and gagged over, for all my unwomanly burps I especially reserve just for him. For all the tumbles and wrestles and tickles before bed, countless good nights exchanged before someone goes for the other’s ticklish parts once again. For every time he sticks two fingers into my nose as a “bedtime routine”, for every time I stick a finger up his armpits. :D

Yes, this heart is happy, this heart is glad. My soul will forevermore rejoice in the Lord, for this blessed gift of a man I am favoured to call my husband.

Belated happy first, my bubsters. My love, my heart, are yours forever.