My Bad Moods // Things I Have Learned From My Husband (So Far)
Joey and I often half-jokingly say that the “greatest sin” in our marriage is that of being in a bad mood. So many bad consequences can stem from it; hurtful, unthought-of-carefully (hindi pinag-isipang mabuti) words that make the smallest argument spiral into something way bigger and a hundred miles off the initial topic. Being in a bad mood makes you less caring and more selfish, makes you talk in unloving and combative ways, and sometimes, when you’re particularly destructive and you feel like wallowing in your pity/bad mood pool, it’s just really guaranteed to exhaust the heck out of you two. I’m sure anyone who has argued with their significant other will agree.
Of course, and no surprise here: more often than not, I am the specific carrier of this bad mood in our relationship. When we got engaged, my mother warned Joey of two things about me: #1) hindi ako marunong magluto, and #2) sobrang moody ako. I’ve fairly known that about myself but I think the magnitude of my moodiness is only known to those who are close to me, which at that time would be my family and my workmates. I suspect even I have no idea of just how moody I am, because to me I think I am fairly okay - you know, just the average human being trying to do good and be good everyday and failing. Apparently though, now that Joey is getting the 100% full-blown unedited signature Sitti moodiness, I am becoming more aware of how taxing living with me is.
I thank God for my incredibly patient husband. With his help and through our monthly “episodes”, we have been able to pinpoint exactly what puts me in a bad mood. And these are, in no particular order:
#1) Pag malapit na magkaron (when the menstrual period is near). I’m sure a lot of the women here can relate with me when I say that there are times when you just feel the world is a safer place without your participation in it. These are the days when you feel so emotional and bloated and unpretty and from these three suddenly parang pasan mo na ang buong mundo and you just feel blah and of course, this affects how you are as a wife, and as a person, that day. I tell myself that this is not an excuse.. and it’s weird because I actually anticipate feeling bad on those days, and try to steer myself from it, but still I continue on the course to being in a bad mood. Kawawa si Joey…
Oh Lord, please help me counter this pattern this month, and all the months after. Please, please, please let me not be a slave to my temporal body, but to Your Spirit…
#2) Pag puyat o kulang sa tulog (Lack of sleep). No brainer here. So in times like these, just lay low, pick the right, respectful words to say.. and nap the beginnings of the bad mood off.
#3) Tasks / Responsibilities overload. I didn’t know I had the tendency to lump everything on top of each other until Joey caught me on it. I would start off thinking about this bill to be paid, and that would progress to other bills to be paid, other house concerns, other projects, etc, and by the time I’m done I’ve probably given myself three wrinkles and aged five months. Gratefully, Joey would sit me down and remind me to tackle one responsibility at a time. Isa-isa lang..
#4) Laspag / Super pagod sa training (exhaustion from training). I like exercising. I liked knowing and feeling that I used my muscles on the gym workouts I used to have before. I like running recreationally: mostly I use it for my quiet time, to listen to new music, to people-watch or to sight-see houses. But never did I have distance nor time targets. I do not join races because I just feel so much pressure to perform, and it takes the joy out of the activity for me. But God has other plans as He married me to a training junkie.. and I know only good will come out of it: I will, invariably, learn discipline and mastery over my self and body that only rigid training can teach. I just MUST snap out of my whining.. and look forward to what lies ahead.
Joey has incredibly mastered himself, both in body and character. Of course he is not perfect, but I never know when he has had a bad day at work, or when he is dealing with a particularly tiresome task/person. He never lets himself get affected by the trivial things, nor the dramas in life. And always, always, he is tirelessly JOYFUL. As in. Every time we go to an early morning training, he is already smilingly singing while driving while I’m still groaningly waking every bit of my body up. I would say, “Bubs, still too early..” hinting for him to stop his good mood and wait for me to catch up.
I realise now that I mustn’t do that.. I realise now how so many of my little seemingly innocent actions are actually consequences of my moodiness and thereby selfishness, and that these are truly very tiring for him. I realise now that I have been raining on some of Joey’s parades without my meaning to.
Which brings me to my last bad mood-setter that Joey has observed (my gulay, ang dami).
#5) When things don’t happen as I expect/want/plan it to happen. Put plainly like this it makes me seem like such a brat. But in hindsight, Joey in all likelihood probably has a good point. When something doesn’t happen EXACTLY the way I want it to, and it seems that I have a fairly clear vision of just how I want things to happen or unfold (well, in some areas), I get ticked off and launch on the offensive. Joey reminds me that things won’t always go the way we want it to, not in this world. I would silently take his words in and fight it in my head, thinking that “Of course, I know that! It would be ridiculous to think that!”. But then, if I truly did understand it, why was I acting in such a way?
My husband would say that if something doesn’t happen the way you want it to, or a particular plan didn’t pan out, MOVE ON and do the NEXT BEST THING. I’ve learned this from him early on in our relationship but then I forgot about it. Man, I’ve been stubborn. But I am also very grateful. Maybe it takes just one person to objectively point out all your flaws or areas in your character that needs working on. But ultimately it also takes just one person too, that’s yourself, to see past the current bad mood you’re in, accept their existence, and with the help of the Holy Spirit, strive to make them a thing of the past.
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Tim 1:7 (NIV).
Oh Lord, please change me. Please help me manage myself better, and to be in control of my emotions and whims. May the words that I speak, especially to my husband, always be edifying and kind. Please help me love him better. All these I ask in Jesus’ transforming Name, Amen.
Thank you for reading! Have a great Friday :)